The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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