mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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