My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
