how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
