OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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