When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
