I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
