"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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