Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
