I must be too annoying 4 u.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
