just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
