Your mouth is God's brothel.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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