I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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