3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
