I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
