Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
