I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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