i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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