i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize