There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
