We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I could fuck to npr.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
