and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
