Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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