You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
