I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
