just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
