Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
