i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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