I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
