The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
