Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
