How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize