My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
