I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
