if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
