At least make sure they are 18
Why
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
