I'm laying in your front yard are you home
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
