how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
