she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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