She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
