She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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