he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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