is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
