i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
