What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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