I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
