i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
