saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize