The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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