my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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