Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
