I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
