i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
