She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize