She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
