My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
