That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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