i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
