i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
