We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
