so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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