hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
