I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
