I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
