I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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