I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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