I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize