No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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