i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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