I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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