In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
