you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize