I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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