Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
