I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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