nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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