VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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