She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
