I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I puked a lego.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
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