I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
