Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
