Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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