I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Randomize
