Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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