In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is Oprah even human
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
