Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
