Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
