Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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