i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
